A Great Time to Be Alive

We’re now into the second month of the Trump Administration.  And what a month it’s been!

I don’t know if my reactions to State (Illinois, Ugh!), National or World events – particularly in the Political arena – are typical of anyone else’s (in fact, I don’t really care to be perfectly honest), but so far I’m thoroughly enjoying what’s happening around me.

For starters, every morning I awake and go through my little ritual of coffee (bathroom visits before and after too, mentioned here in the interest of total intellectual honesty accompanied by the usual desire to share TMI – particularly of the kind that is mildly offensive) and light up my faithful laptop to enjoy the day’s online CONTENT.

This is my quiet time of day, differentiated only by the noticeably lighter sky characteristic of the ‘other’ quiet time I enjoy the rest of the day.  But it’s a special time because this is where I get to sit back and without interruption troll through the websites which keep me informed of and in tune with the world around me.

These include financial websites, Email and Facebook, the online Chicago Tribune, CNN, CNBC,  MSNBC and even lately and amazingly  FOX News (more about the latter further on).

From the content reviewed, by the time I’m finished trolling, which usually consumes an hour or two, I’m ready to face the day knowing  pretty much everything I really need to know at this stage in life.

First I go over the finances on my personal financial websites. You know who you are.

When I’m finished with these I know things like whether or not I can afford to buy yet another LED flashlight/personal defense doo hicky on Amazon.  I now have enough of these to illuminate virtually every space I may occupy at any time, including home, vehicles, dark alleys and of course the bathroom and to theoretically blind any adversary stupid enough to try to attack me with their eyes open.  (I’m not really sure but I think these things would also work on dogs too?)

I also know whether anyone is hacking my credit cards and charging me for things like subscriptions to porn sites, escort services and the like.  (Disclaimer:  I have NO idea what might trigger such nefarious activity.)

From CNBC I get the day’s Market Futures and a real time assessment of whether or not I’ll be able to afford retirement for the next ‘n’ years;  whether I need to completely and immediately downsize;  whether it’s going to be McDonald’s or TRUE for dinner; if I have enough life insurance; whether I can afford a colonoscopy this year etc., etc..

Indeed, it’s comforting and even EMPOWERING (I love to use that word. And it’s even more fun to capitalize it) to get this kind of insight first thing in the morning, every morning excluding weekends and those odd Federal Holidays on which absolutely no one but Government employees and financial institutions actually get a day off from work.  (As a side benefit, my daily online financial review generally reminds me to take my hypertension pill for the day.)

Next I check Email and Facebook.

My In Box provides a plethora of information apparently  essential for my health and well being and which reminds me of things like my need for even MORE Under Armour under gear, sales on 92 point wines from Tambora, and the occasional jokes and nudie pics which certain friends of mine send me – and which are actually the REAL reason I look at my In Box.

Moving on to Facebook I get my dose of SOCIAL MEDIA for the day.  I’ll save my commentary on the usefulness of what I find and even post myself  (e.g., this Blog) on Facebook for another day.

Ok, not that you asked, but that’s how I pretty much start my day.  But I haven’t yet covered the really fun part.  And that is when I move on to the NEWS websites.

It’s clear to me that the Media is undergoing the most challenging and stressful period in my lifetime and I’m thoroughly enjoying watching them go through it.

In the online  Chicago Tribune I’m watching what has for, like forever, been a bastion of conservative/Republican reporting morph into sort of a split personality thing.

On the National level the Page 1 Headlines seem to vacillate between Bad News and Maybe It Might Not Be Bad News.  Either TrumpGov has said or done something incredibly stupid or we’re not sure whether what was done or said is legal, Constitutional/sensible/idiotic but watch this space cuz we’ll somehow decide tomorrow or the next day.

On the State and Local (read: Chicago) levels the news is always Bad.  I mean, what else but Bad News would you get from the CPD, CPS, CTU, County and State Governments in Illinois these days?

Next comes the day’s Social Commentary where the ‘guy’ on Page 2 is totally agin’ that guy/girl on Page 5, unless the guy on Page 2 is a fill in person (often times a girl) who is on a totally different track than the usual guy on Page 2..

Next comes the Editorial Page, where commentary seems to switch from Liking to Not Liking ‘X’ (insert Your Topic here) on a regular basis.  And this is when they’re not just  bitching about how the State of Illinois, its Governing Structure (State, County, Township, City, Town, Aldermen (AlderWOMEN?), the CPD, the CPS,  CTU ad nauseam, are dysfunctional, corrupt (Ok, they’ve PROVED that one), unsustainable, unaffordable, insensitive, gender annoying (I made that category up), or whatever.

After I get through the maze of thoughts, commentary, Bad News and articles about the schizoid Bulls in the Trib I move on to CNN.

CNN used to be my fav source of online news.  That was before the Election Campaigns and the Election itself.  I found CNN’s content to be generally fair with an acceptable level of bias on both sides of the Political spectrum, along with an entertaining amount of attention paid to the clothing worn or not worn by the latest B movie celebs and oh yeah, those GINORMOUS Kardashian protuberances.

But for the past year or so there has been an apparent coup staged at CNN.  During the run up to the Election, CNN couldn’t produce enough articles about how controversial/stupid/outrageous the Trump campaign was.  Conversely, they occasionally made mention of the other obscure and much less entertaining Republican candidates, which in the end ultimately gave billions of dollars (or a LOT) of free publicity for Trump.

Meanwhile, they kept a steady watch on old Hillary’s Stronger Together pant suits, never quite figuring out exactly what her Platform was but that’s OK cuz we’re good with more of the same… I guess.

Then BOOM! Trump got elected and suddenly the Lucifer Incarnate was President of the United States.

Since then, far as I can tell, CNN has been trying to make up for being a de facto publicity machine for Trump by generating a non stop flow of Mea Culpa stories about the path to perdition the Election has put us all on.

Thinking my perceptions might be skewed for some reason, the other day I called up the CNN main screen and counted fourteen out of seventeen stories visible there which damned Trump’s Administration, his Tweets, his Executive Orders – pretty much everything, or which announced the latest activities of what is rapidly becoming known as ‘The Resistance’.  (Financial Tip:  Find a Company which specializes in making berets and invest heavily!).

Ok, so after getting my fill of depression, anger, confusion there I move on to MSNBC where to be honest I pretty much just watch the latest snippet of Morning Joe to see how much more confused Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzesinski are with the events of today, yesterday and tomorrow.

Finally, like enjoying a really fine bottle of Ripple after downing a dozen or so Sliders, I make my online way to online FOX News.  I really almost hate to admit that since over the years I’ve heard absolutely nothing good about FOX news except for the hot chicks there.

But once having capitulated, I’ve found FOX News to be a fascinating counterpart to my other online news sources.  Where others find nothing but gloom, doom and Kardashians, FOX News seems at least make an attempt to find the Puppy in the Pile of Poop.  And I freely admit, these days THAT’S some tough work!  (And YES, the chicks are pretty hot too. :=))

And with all of that I am raring and ready to go for the day, fully convinced that the Media is a bi-polar world of angry, frustrated men and women who are putting their chips on both red and black on the Roulette Wheel of Life and playing Double Zeros, just in case.

I tell you, it makes we wonder how retirees back in the day managed to fill the spaces between their ears without such sources of information.  Come to think of it, maybe life in those days was just less complex what with all the chores around the farm which needed doin’.

But I snigger when I think about how I know pretty much every day whether or not I can afford that colonoscopy.

It’s a great time to be alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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